Remember Remember

Today was a major public holiday once - and is still ( no matter what the plastic paddys say about St Pat's night) the party night of the year. And it used to be a big date in the children's calendar too. But some kids are finding the glorious fifth difficult to remember...

Tell me if this rings a bell. Last Friday night I was having the doorbell rung by a bunch of juvenile delinquents ( and a few fancy dressed little varmints) demanding money with menaces every other minute. It's the new thing. Trick or treat my backside! I joined in like everyone else with the Mars miniatures and the bags of revels. Like I was going to refuse and have them kick the bins over, or pelt the windows with eggs?

By contrast the old 'Penny For The Guy' routine is long gone. I genuinely haven't seen one bunch of ha'porths out with the baby buggy and the stuffed masked dude all year. Time was you could always catch some kids with their younger brother pretending to be the guy. "Oi He just moved!" "Didn't" "Did - look!" (prod) "Ow!"

The little gets would be down the newsagents to buy bangers before you let go of the coins...

But now its all about dressing up like like a horror film and scaring the bejesus out of the local OAPs. The old Guy Fawkes night nonsense is a forgotten art and is being replaced by this insidious American import.

I always loved bonnie night. It was the biggest little party of the year round our house. A few days rooting about down the canal bank for bits of wood and a few nights chucking out burnable crap from the house and we were set.

There was no obligation to show up, and no invites went out. It was just that everyone showed up - the in-laws and the outlaws, the good the bad the ugly - and brought along some snap. Parkin. Toffee. Big meat and spud pies. Mushy peas. Buckets of fireworks.

Unlike Christmas or New Year when there was always an excuse "He's stayed at home looking after't dog..." everyone would be there. It were always a total crack - no matter what the weather. Best party night of the year.

The tradition ended when mum and dad moved into a council bungalow and replaced the quiet dead end street and big garden with a communal lawn and a ton of rules and regs. No more wild bonnie parties. No more going out after dark...

Local council would probably evict em for lighting a sparkler these days. Want to do owt on bonnie night now and its a drive to the local park and a ten quid cover charge. You end up standing so far from the bonfire you're not even sure it's real. You think I'm kidding don't you!! And the Beard Liberation Front want the whole thing banned because burning the Guy is prejudiced against beard wearers. And the miserables are out there trying to have the whole thing banned completely cos the fireworks scare their pampered pooches and put them right off their Pedigree Chum.

I think we need to set up a new campaign to rehabilitate Guy Fawkes night! He is one of the county's favourite sons after all. It should be a patriotic duty to burn effigies of murderous terrorising criminal types in front of whooping crowds of revelers. Setting fireworks off on any other night should be seen as unpatriotic.

The start of all this should be to run around blowing the candles out of Jacko Lanterns and campaigning against the open sale of pumpkins to minors. Anyone going trick or treating should be forced to eat their spice collection right there on the doorstep.

Honestly - we'll be wishing each other Happy Holidays this Christmas for fear of offending the local thought police! Before you know it we'll be having Thanksgiving turkey and toasting July the 4th.

This Halloween nonsense must be stopped!

Blogga