The butler didn't do it.

The royal soap just got soapier. Saint Diana's man, Paul Burrell got to walk from his trial the other day sparking off a row about what the blummin ummer he'd been doing in court in the first place.

Most of the stuff we know about this setup is straight out of the Sunday red tops. Di's "Rock" (no relation to the WWF Scorpion King dude, worse luck) had apparently bunged a few boxes of Di's loot in his loft until the dust settled.

Some police snoop got the idea that Burrell was flogging some of his little stash on Ebay or something - one tiara slightly soiled, worn only once, careful lady owner, you know the jazz - and they hauled him in. The Diana Theme Park brigade got in on the act and before you know it the butler is the prime suspect. The press had themselves a party as one of the bit parts in the royal soap opera stepped into the limelight.

The case against the butler wasn't really the point. This was one of these tabloid spectaculars. Can't get to the celeb? Lets get the little guy - the bag carrier. He's not got bodyguards and foreign villas to hide in. Especially when his ex-boss was outside the establishment and is no longer around for him to hide behind.

Poor sod was a sitting duck in a much bigger Windsor/Spencer arm wrestle. The Althorp curates wanted the memorabilia he had for their Northamptonshire shrine, and the trial was clearly going to bring Di's feud with the Royals back onto the front pages. Juicy details about the ding dong between the Palace and the Princess were going to be all over today's News O The Screws. 16 page pullout.

Except - as in all good soaps - the Bett Lynch figure steps up to the plate and drops the big one.

It turns out that HRH had a chat with the butler guy all of five years ago, when he told her he'd be looking after a few of the more intimate items of Diana's belongings. The butler failed to let his accusers know about this rather important character witness - he said he didn't want her dragged into something as mundane and sordid as real life.

And just as Burrell was bracing himself for taking the stand - the Queen suddenly happens to remember having the conversation...

The big chatter now is was this selective memory on the royals part. Surely coming forward at the very moment he was about to spill the beans was more than a coincidence?

Or do we believe the Royal pressers with their story that our Betty genuinely was unaware of the trial of her former daughter-in-laws Man Friday. She's far too busy in limoland, greeting diplomats and knighting sports stars to pay attention to the single most compelling news story of the day.

Either she's involved in a massive great conspiracy to let a guilty butler walk free rather than have him open up some royal wounds withthe rehab of the future Queen Camilla going so well.

Or she's genuinely away with the fairies, polishing the jewels and stoking the corgies with no clue about what's going on outside the big iron gates.

Either way it hardly shows the royals up in the best possible light, and as expected today's papers are full of it. Not the he-said she-said they were expecting but a right royal rumpus nonetheless.

Burrell's now holed up somewhere suitably off the beaten track with a mess of editors and publicists making book offers in the seven figure bracket. The butler's much heralded loyalty to Princess Diana's memory will be deeply tested, not by a prosecuting barrister but by a shady journo with a fat cheque.

Now we'll find out just how solid Di's rock is.

Northerner

(Blogga's on a club trip this weekend...)