That Friday Feeling

I fell asleep at a big work meeting today. I couldn't stop myself.

The worst of it was I could see it coming so I'd gone in clutching the strongest coffee outside a Turkish brothel and I even took a trip to the bog to splash my face mid meet.

No luck. I was destined to flop out in public with both the bosses choking on their biros as their trusty subordinate snozzed out on the job. The secretary taking the minutes thought the whole thing hilarious and I instantly knew it would be round the whole place faster than you can breath.

But its like this. Managers are world class bores. All the paraphernalia of management is just terminally dull to me and I just can't get interested. Everyone tells me that I've got to get real and play the game, show the corpoes that I'm really a one firm dude, and I'm worth taking a chance on. But I just can't get with the program. Just can't smell the coffee.

I'm a management unbeliever, and like on Invasion of the Bodysnatchers, the converted just know when you're faking it.

I even went on a five day management training course recently to try and kick start my corporate attitude and roar off into corporate heaven. But on day one I noticed the seminar next door was attended by identical rednecked white boys in identical whitewalls haircuts and I just knew I was going to miss the point.

Sure enough, there were roll playing games outdoors. Survivor in a cheap suit. There were standy-up enthusiasts with flip charts and theories, and there were group hugs. The worst of it was that we stayed on campus as well, so there was no getting away from the indoctrination.

That's when I rumbled the modern business thinker.

It's a cult. A big bad suck-your-brains-out-with-a-straw mind knumber. You go in those places a normal, caring human being, and by the time these snazzy tied wonders are done with you, you are a sharper, keener, meaner and ready for the rat race! You iron your shirts, wear white underwear and worship the very ground the chairman walks on.

After that you're invincible. Everything revolves around mission statements, and goals and targets and speaking with a corporate tongue every moment (because even when you're screwing the barmaid from the Rose and Crown, you're a COMPANY man).

You can sack half of your former best friends and like it.

But I was hopeless. Looked crap in a tie. Don't even have a driving licence so I can't talk about BMW interior trim at the water cooler.

And worst of all, I fall asleep in the most important meeting I've been fortunate enough to attend all year. I spose a raise is out of the question then? "ZZZZZZ...."
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Blogga.