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Perfect Day

The Perfect Day for Her:

08:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses

08:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday

08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants

09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out

12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs

13:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

15:00 Nap

16:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer

16:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage

17:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before the mirror

19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing

22:00 Hot shower (alone)

22:30 Make love

23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

23:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day for Him:

06:00 Alarm

06:15 Blowjob

06:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of Sun

07:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee

07:30 Limo arrives

07:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport

08:15 Logan- Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)

09:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club

09:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)

11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens

12:15 Blowjob

12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)

14:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)

14:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)

15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew

16:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs)

17:00 G4 back to Leeds/Bradford airport., massage & hand job enroute by naked Jenni McCarthy

18:45 Shit, shower and shave

19:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns; Cherie and Tony Blair farm animal video released and authenticated.

19:30 Quality Curry with six mates in Elland Road Executive box. , Leeds thrash Man U 8-0 . Harpal Singh debuts and scored hat-trick. Beckham sent off in first minute for flicking fringe too often. Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz.

21:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar

21:30 Sex with three women

23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi

23:45 Bed (alone)

23:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room

23:55 Sleep

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northerner@ayup.co.uk